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Musings

South African Football Association Using Advanced Monitoring to Gain the Upper Hand

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

South African Football Association (SAFA) president Kirsten Nematandani tried to downplay fears that SAFA spies on all soccer officials. SAFA only spies on some of them. Duly noted.

SAFA vice-president Shoes Mazibuko and Danny Jordaan, former chief executive of the 2010 World Cup Local Organizing Committee, recently found monitoring devices in their respective vehicles. Already, SAFA has confirmed that its financial director, Gronie Hluyo, instructed the fleet management department to install the monitoring devices. Who knew that financial directors were also responsible for monitoring? (more…)

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Musings

World Cup 2010 Oscars: And the Winner Is …

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

The World Cup is over. Carlos Puyol is a world champion but still refuses to get a haircut. Africa’s first World Cup has ended without any of the players falling prey to lions and tigers like in Kenya, or polar bears or unicorns for that matter. As far as we know, Jacob Zuma hasn’t married anyone else and the universe is still in decent running condition, not great, but decent.

In celebration of the previous month of almost non-stop soccer, we’ve decided to roll out a few World Cup Oscar Awards. We’ve left out the US because the homeland deserves its own set of awards. So rest of the world, here you go. (more…)

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Musings

World Cup: Wake Me Up When Something Exciting Happens

by The Chairman

Wake Me Up

It may just be me, but the level of sheer magic in this World Cup has been absent in comparison to past events. To date, there has been too little in the form of excitement and wonder. Where are the nuggets of sublime creativity or sheer force of will that have made previous campaigns the stuff of folklore? Am I being too nostalgic or has the game evolved to this? Where is the wonder goal created out of nothing that the next generation will be talking about and trying to replicate on the football field? I may be getting ahead of myself with the quarterfinals less than a day away, but this World Cup has been as exciting as watching paint dry for the following three reasons: (more…)

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Will Rap for Trophies or at Least Advancing to the Knockout Stage

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

Ay yo, Lando, tell ‘em the truth / He’ll still end up polishin’ boots – Candyman, “Polishin’ Boots Remix”

If U.S. Men’s National Team players were rappers. No, that’s it, if they were rappers. One shouldn’t read this expecting the tired comparisons where white people are required to resemble white people and brownish people need to resemble other brownish people. Rather, we’re doing this based on character traits. Is there an MC who is a better rapper stunt double for the players selected below? Let us know! And remember, characteristics, not appearance. (more…)

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Football Managers And Their Mind Games

by The Chairman

Mind Games

The Classless One

Following Inter Milan’s 3-2 aggregate win over Barcelona in the Champions League semi-final at Camp Nou, Jose Mourinho said the following:

“This is the best loss of my life. It is a shame I couldn’t play: I would have been awful on the pitch but I would have shed blood as my players did”.

Judging by his classless romp around the football pitch, it is increasingly evident that Jose Mourinho suffers from an inferiority complex. I fully understand that the Special One’s teams thrive off of an ‘Us against the World’ mentality, however after the battle has been waged and won, it is imperative that the victors not needlessly shame the losers. (more…)

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Lebanese Politicians Use Football To Commemorate Anniversary of Civil War

by The Chairman

lebanon_flag

Last week, Lebanese lawmakers took to the pitch to commemorate the 35^th anniversary of the outbreak of the Lebanese Civil War (1975-1990). The war, which claimed the lives of 150,000 to 200,000 citizens, divided the country and left it in shambles. Today, Lebanon enjoys a precarious peace with an uneasy political relationship between the Prime Minister Saad Hariri’s party and the Hezbollah lead opposition.

Aside from the distraction of watching out of shape political rivals playing football, one thing was noticeably missing, fans. (more…)

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Fox Soccer Channel Goes All In With Technology

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

Fox Soccer Channel has gone all in. Well, almost all in. In the past year, FSC has gone HD, picked up Setanta’s leftovers, wrapped its arms around UEFA Champions League television rights, and secured a bevy of on-air “talent”. In the midst of this spending spree, FSC also made a huge investment into spanking new technology to analyze matches. I give you SoccerOne’s Magnetic Instructor’s Board (available in 3 sizes); FSC’s answer to Chuck Todd’s Election Day technology. (more…)

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Musings

On Tea Parties and Football Terraces: Deconstructing Fringe Elements

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

I’m kind of sick of the “fringe element” argument. It goes something like this. Group of people attend event. Elements of said group engage in behavior that is unbecoming of ladies or gentlemen. Then the powers associated with said group claim that the unbecoming behavior is not representative of the group at large. They are, in effect, a “fringe element” of the greater group. This supposedly relieves the remaining majority from any responsibility concerning the actions of the fringe element. Very clever. Very clever, indeed. (more…)

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George Cohen Does It Again, Passes Health Care Reform

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

At critical times in our nation’s history, great men have stood up and moved us forward. George Cohen has now done it twice in one weekend.

Late last night many of us watched health care reform pass in Congress. It was one of those rare moments when watching our Congress in action made me proud. You see, I love dysfunctional, chaotic politics. I hate the fact that nothing typically gets done to improve the lives of average citizens, but I’ve got to admit that I do enjoy good theater. Usually, I prefer to watch Taiwanese or British parliament, but yesterday made me proud, not because of the result, but because of the spectacle. Finally on a non-State-of-the-Union night, American political theater caught up with our all-star games, and for that, we can be proud to be American. (more…)

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Musings

Beowulf on MLS: Do I Want the League To Be Popular? Meh.

by Beowulf Ritchie

It seems to be the consensus among American soccer fans and those who blog, write, and talk about it, that a spike in popularity of the beautiful game in this country would be a good thing. I respectfully disagree. I have several reasons for this opinion, on which I will elaborate below, but my basic logic is quite simple: It’s good the way it is. (more…)

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Church of Soccer: Can imagine that, for a thoughtful, inquisitive esquire, venturing into Big Soccer is like looking...
30f: Mirti – I feel like a crumudgeonly old bastard here, but … I bet FSC thinks they can improve their...
Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.: They should only be able to communicate on the Big Soccer cruise by texting.
OffsideSarah: Well, now you know what I’m really thinking if I ever say that.. Elliot: The Big Soccer Cruise...
Elliott: I think they need to have Big Soccer cruises. Kinda like Cougar cruises, but more cubs and less in-person...

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Pub Talk

Musings

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

Musings

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

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by The Chairman

Musings

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

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by The Chairman

The Classless One

Musings

by The Chairman

Musings

by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

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by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

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by Clive Longbottom-Fellow, Esq.

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by Beowulf Ritchie

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