At critical times in our nation’s history, great men have stood up and moved us forward. George Cohen has now done it twice in one weekend.
Late last night many of us watched health care reform pass in Congress. It was one of those rare moments when watching our Congress in action made me proud. You see, I love dysfunctional, chaotic politics. I hate the fact that nothing typically gets done to improve the lives of average citizens, but I’ve got to admit that I do enjoy good theater. Usually, I prefer to watch Taiwanese or British parliament, but yesterday made me proud, not because of the result, but because of the spectacle. Finally on a non-State-of-the-Union night, American political theater caught up with our all-star games, and for that, we can be proud to be American.
I felt a bit uneasy waking up this morning in socialized America. But the real jolt came when I opened my door a few moments ago to find a bag of OxyContin in the doorway in a burlap sack marked “socialized medicine” in black crayon. Who knew government could act so quickly?
I’ve concluded that MLS/MLS Players Union mediator George Cohen was somehow involved in this weekend’s health care negotiations. What other reason could there be for such a timely resolution? No one should be shocked when it comes out that a Senior Citizens Draft is part of our new health care reform package. Previously, too many of our seniors were stuck without anywhere to go. But with the new Seniors Draft, we can now send our old people to communities that want them instead of letting them sit around idly. It’s a simple fix to a longstanding problem. That George Cohen is a smart man. I feel sorry for him when he has to take on immigration, but I’m sure he’ll figure out a way to bring the sides together around some sort of immigration draft.
The best part of our new communist medical system: Vodka is the prescription for everything!