Nutmeg Radio

A few things Mike Tyson and Diego Maradona have in common:

• They were both tremendous athletes (arguably the greatest in the world at their respective peaks) who became awkwardly fat.

• They both have those unique Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara tattoos.  I may run out and get me one of them shirts before people catch on to this Che guy.

• Given the Argentine FA’s track record, both are just as likely to be coaching Argentina at the 2010 World Cup.

• Both used their hands to earn a living.

Here are a few potential collaborations between the two that I hope I see:

• I want the two of them to have a joint talk show.  Tyson can’t speak Spanish, and Maradona can’t speak English.  This would make for some phenomenal banter.

• I want the two of them to have their own TV sitcom.  It would be a mixture of Perfect Strangers and Real World/Road Rules Challenge.  I don’t know how the logistics would work here, but they would be cousins and Mike’s catch phrases would be, “Cuthin Diego, don’t be ridiculoth,” followed by an effeminate laugh.

• I would love to see both of them as contestants on a show like Top Chef, where they would have to step in front of judges and, well, be judged.  Entertainment would ensue.

• Somehow the two of them can have an outburst-off.  These two have had some of the most memorable outbursts in front of cameras in sport.  I just dream about the outbursts that haven’t been caught on camera.  All those brilliant lost moments make me sad. I imagine it would go something like this:

Mike: Diego, don’t pith me off.  I’ll eat your babies.

Diego: Pero por que, Senor Tyson.  My baby just married Sergio Aguero, who played for Argentina before I benched him.  My baby just had a child with him.  Why don’t you just eat Sergio since he won’t be playing for me anymore as long as I am coach, which in all honesty may not be long.  Pero, he’s very muscular and lives in Madrid, so eating him may not, how do you say, have taste? And may be geographically inconvenient.  I’m sure there are other babies who would have more taste in the asylum where you stay, no? [Rough translation]