The World Cup is over. Carlos Puyol is a world champion but still refuses to get a haircut. Africa’s first World Cup has ended without any of the players falling prey to lions and tigers like in Kenya, or polar bears or unicorns for that matter. As far as we know, Jacob Zuma hasn’t married anyone else and the universe is still in decent running condition, not great, but decent.

In celebration of the previous month of almost non-stop soccer, we’ve decided to roll out a few World Cup Oscar Awards. We’ve left out the US because the homeland deserves its own set of awards. So rest of the world, here you go.

Best Team Entrance

Without question, the award goes to Bafana Bafana. Marching towards the field in their opening game against Mexico, you could tell who was coming through the tunnel before you saw anyone. With a distinctly South African sound, Bafana Bafana did their best to drown out the vuvuzelas with this rousing tune (dance steps included):

Best Actor

Arjen Robben. Who else? Sure, some might remember Robben’s World Cup for his darting runs forward or his mesmerizing ability to take on entire teams with one foot. But it wouldn’t be difficult to remember his displays on the world’s biggest stage for his incomparable acting ability inspired by his idol, Greg Louganis. Feigning injury is an art. And Arjen Robben is Picasso, part genius, all drama.

Best Celebration

Could it be a tie?  We had a hard time with this category. It came down to two entrants. South Africa and Slovenia. South Africa for Siphiwe Tshabalala’s first goal of the tournament, which was not only synchronized, but also historically important as the first goal in Africa’s first World Cup, fantastically scored by a South African. Slovenia simply because they had the most awesomely awkward celebration maybe in the history of organized sport. So South Africa and Slovenia, I hope you can learn to share because you are co-winners and have no choice but to do so.

Best Villain

With 8,000 fouls, Mark Van Bommel, you get the award for the most hated villain of the tournament. But let’s be fair here. Van Damme … I mean Van Bommel did the dirty work that every team needs, miraculously staying on the pitch by, as he claims, befriending referees. Junior villains, take note. If you want to rough it up on the world’s biggest stage, it pays to be nice to the man in charge. Small talk can get you far.

Nigel De Jong, Van Damme’s midfield partner was a close second in the voting. De Jong apparently watched his partner in Bloodsport prior to the final. Where else would he have gotten the inspiration to jump kick Xabi Alonso in the chest?That was inspired evil. A tackle so bad, I don’t even think we can call it a tackle.

Best Impromptu World Cup Fan Celebrations

Come on down, Argentina! If you happen to be at a World Cup match featuring Argentina and happen to be near some Argentines, be sure to follow them right after the match like we did. This is what you’ll see before you leave the stadium. And it will go on for more than an hour. That, I can assure you. And be sure to keep your eye out for the Budweiser bottle in the first clip. Crafty, crafty Argentines.

Most Creative Fans

South Korea, South Korea, South Korea. If you saw our earlier post about the White Album of flags, you’ll know why South Korea wins this hands down. Here’s a quick picture to remind you of the level of creativity that South Korean fans brought to South Africa, but to get the full dose, check out our earlier post.

Player of the Tournament

It would be easy to go with Iniesta, Forlan, Jabulani or that wretched octopus. But this one goes to the vuvuzela, that snazzy little plastic horn that has terrorized ears and frustrated pundits around the world for the past month. I must admit, most things that dominant cultures find annoying make me smile. I mean how can you truly dislike anything that drives cranky, old Englishmen crazy. The vuvuzela is the one player in South Africa that consistently dominated the opposition. And perhaps other than Forlan, in 20 years, I submit that the stand out player of the 2010 World Cup will be the vuvuzela. Vuvuzela, all the kids are doing it.

Best Technician

Suppose I told you about a player so technically proficient that he could juggle with bubble gum, literally. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mesut Özil, the young German virtuoso who took South Africa by storm. The trickery in the video below might not be sanitary, but it’s cool, like Don Johnson and Billy Dee Williams cool. We don’t need Nostradamus to tell us that we’ll be seeing a lot more from this gum juggler in the future. Yes, gum.

Cristiano Ronaldo Self-Love Award

This award goes to the team captain that would rather shoot from midfield than pass to a teammate who also happens to play professionally. Congrats, Cristiano. It’s yours. Next.

Best Former Colonizer

Step aside England and France, with your washed up former colonial selves. Barcelona … I mean Spain is the new, former colonial champion. While it’s true that Les Blues and the Three Lions were already wavering, their lack of invention in South Africa, compounded with a slew of other problems, ensured that their colonial legacies will remain just that, legacies for the foreseeable future. Enter Spain, with the swagger of a colonizer, not saying much, while taking over vast swaths of territory with slick passing movements. While people focused on their inability to score in South Africa, Spain focused on results. Controlling the match was always the priority, but when it came to conquer, the Spaniards were ruthless. But a warning for the people: Keep an eye on your valuables (as Arsene Wenger will quickly tell you) because those those active in the colonization industry enjoy playing mind games to convince you to part with prized possessions. All I’m saying is, keep your eyes on your stuff.

Most Inspirational Pitch

Certainly not Port Elizabeth’s Nelson Mandela Stadium that looked like the golf course from Caddyshack. Soccer City or Ellis Park? Nope. We’re going with the soccer field at Robben Island. Even though the pitch is no longer used (thankfully), this field on the prison island that used to house Nelson Mandela and countless other political prisoners during apartheid served as a brief sporting refuge from the daily horrors of prison life.

And just in case you were wondering what the prisoners were fed, here are the meal allocations, of course broken down by race:

Some people refuse to have any perspective when it comes to judging the World Cup, choosing to see everything as simply a sporting event. Beyond sport, Africa’s first World Cup is truly an amazing story, considering that not too long ago, South Africans were living in a world that most people only read about in history books. Perhaps this is a sobering point to end the Oscars, but this should be a point to celebrate, rather than to mourn.

Congrats to South Africa for a great World Cup. I hope you all enjoyed the show. Please do come again. Stay tuned for the aftershow …

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So you’ve been asking around for new music?  Well these aren’t exactly new, but here are a few fantastic songs from South America that highlight the intersection of music and football.  First up — the great Manu Chao (I know he’s French).  The song is called La Vida Tombola, and as you can tell from the video, it’s about that lovable pudgy guy, Diego Maradona.  There’s some quality early footage of young Maradona.  Check it out after the jump.

From Argentina, we head next door to Brazil for a tribute song by Brazilian artist, Jorge Ben.  Fio Maravilha is a song about João Batista de Sales, a Brazilian footballer, who as you might guess, went by the nickname Fio Maravilha. Jorge Ben was attending a match between Flamengo and Portugal’s Benfica at the legendary Maracana stadium in Rio de Janeiro.  At the time, Fio Maravilha played for Flamengo.  He was left out of the starting lineup much to the chagrin of the Flamengo faithful.   When he finally entered the game, Fio Maravilha predictably scored the winning goal, which apparently was enough to inspire Jorge Ben to write the following song:

Fio Maravilha may not be as popular as Maradona, but hopefully he can sleep well knowing that he’s in the elite club of people who become immortalized in song.  That may not sound like much, but I don’t see anyone writing songs about you in your cubicle.  Oooh.  I know, too soon.

And with that, back for one last trip to Argentina.  Why not close this one out with a contribution from Diego Maradona himself, um, about himself.  I would have paid money to see this live.  He’s actually covering a song by Argentine artist, Rodrigo Bueno.

Is the song great?  No.  But it’s damn entertaining.

We’ll do more of these, but if anyone requests anything related to Ricky Martin and THAT World Cup song, the answer is no.

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Argentine newspaper Clarín recently reported that the Barra Bravas of several teams in the Argentine First Division have struck a deal with the Argentine government to provide security for government events (whatever that means) in exchange for tickets to the World Cup in South Africa — paid for by the government.  That is, airfare paid for by Argentine taxpayers.  Needless to say, many Argentines are not pleased by this news.

For those of you who many not know, Barra Bravas are the names given to football supporters groups across Latin America.  Some of you U.S. based readers may be familiar with D.C. United’s Barra Brava, a supporters group that organizes game support for serious, dedicated supporters.  Barra Bravas in Argentina are slightly different.  In Argentina, Barra Bravas have long been associated with criminal activity, hooliganism, and all around suspect behavior.  Generally, the incredibly organized support that you see in the stands at matches in Argentina is just a sliver of what Barra Brava organizations do.  Their tentacles reach deep into the fabric of Argentine society.  Now imagine your government, not just associating, but paying the airfare to South Africa for members affiliated with whatever organization(s) in your country can be described as criminal, hooliganish, and generally suspect.  Interesting, no?

Clarín reports that Barra Bravas from twelve Argentine clubs – Independiente, Vélez Sarfield, Racing, Huracán, Lanús, Rosario Central, Argentinos, Tigres, Chacarita, Gimnasia, Colón and Godoy Cruz – are part of this deal.  Thankfully, the deal was apparently only struck once the Barras agreed to avoid violence in local stadiums up until the World Cup.

Brilliant.  That makes me feel much better.

In exchange for agreeing to behave like you’re supposed to, you get free airfare to South Africa on taxpayer dollars (or Argentine pesos in this instance), and you get to cause all the havoc you want while in South Africa without running the risk of breaking the agreement brokered with the government.  So please everyone, no more chaos in our stadiums … until the World Cup.  Other stadiums, fine.

And the best part about this story is that not many people in Argentina are that surprised by this deal.  What does that tell you?

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A few nights ago, I was at the U.S. Ambassador to Argentina’s residence in Buenos Aires.  Why?  Because that’s how I roll.

While there, I was speaking with two women, one Argentine and the other Colombian, who both live in Buenos Aires.  These two had something else in common.  They were football fanatics.  Full-fledged terrace walking, song singing, team news absorbing maniacs.  So we got on quite well.

The Argentine is a die-hard  River Plate supporter.  So I obviously asked her what she thought of certain Boca players.

Her response: “Maradona, Palermo, they are Argentine.  Riquelme, he’s from Boca.”  Classic.

We then engaged in a long conversation about the life of women supporters.  Absolutely fascinating stuff.

What do you think of female soccer fans?  I’ll tell you what the world thinks.  Run a Google search for female soccer fans.  You”ll confirm that the results are pretty sexy.  Now run a search for soccer fans or  male soccer fans.  Notice how the individuals in the pictures are now wearing more clothes.

Let’s just say we’ll be doing quite a bit of writing about this widely ignored demographic.  What do you know about maniacal female supporters?

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Just because Michael Jordan was great at basketball, doesn’t mean he’s great at baseball.  Just because Arnold Schwarzenegger was a great (and we use that term loosely) actor, doesn’t mean he’s a good governator.  Just because Silvio Berlusconi is a great womanizer, doesn’t mean he can run a country or AC Milan for that matter.  And just because Maradona is one of football’s all-time greats, doesn’t mean he should be coaching Argentina.  We also suspect that he’d be a below average Argentine folk singer.

In most countries, if a professional organization (emphasis on professional) decided to hire someone with negligible experience while well aware of an applicant pool of extremely qualified people, at a minimum, people would take note.  If Brazil randomly decided to name Pele head coach of the national team, Pele himself would be shocked.  If the United States decided to make Michael Jordan the coach of the Dream Team, people would sh*t themselves.  Head gambling coach, perhaps.

But Argentina is a special place.  Matches at La Bombanera, home of the famed Boca Juniors, are one of the world’s great sporting spectacles.  We’ve been to other grounds in the country  (see photo above) and it’s clear the passionate atmosphere is not isolated to Boca.  Argentines are driven by a raw passion that is real, but difficult to explain.  Perhaps the Argentine FA believed that the team would respond to Maradona’s passion and stature in the country’s footballing lore.  But it’s hard to imagine passion and stature alone being enough to manage a team of superstars.  Maradona recently said about their World Cup qualification woes, “God saved me many times, I hope he saves me this time too.”  Wow.  Not exactly the tactics you look for in a coach.  Hope may have been good enough for Obama, but it hasn’t been doing the job for Argentina.

If one accepts a broader definition of qualification, perhaps Maradona is qualified in his own special Argentine way to coach the national team.  History has taught us that there are plenty of “qualified” people who are utterly unqualified to do their jobs.  So let us amend an earlier statement.  Argentines are mad to everyone except themselves, and maybe the passionate way will turn out to be a perfectly valid way to lead the Argentine national team.  Only time will tell. But is seems apparent that thus far, passion and talent alone have not been enough.

Maradona pulled off qualification for the World Cup … barely.  So rest assured that you can take your maté and see Leo Messi and company in South Africa next summer.  Given their performance in qualifiers, many people may not expect much from the Argentines.  But let’s not forget, this is Argentina.

And Juan Roman Riquelme is amazing.  There, I said it.  He’s the South American Arshavin.  Or Arshavin is the Russian Riquelme.  Your choice.

Will the Argentine FA stick with Maradona?

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