Interesting links directly or tangentially related to soccer:

• Once again, the country that has given us Didier Drogba, Emmanuel Eboue, and brothers Yaya and Kolo Toure, is descending into chaos. (via The Guardian UK)

• Brazil’s first female president has been sworn into office. Dilma Roussef, taking over from former President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, will now take the reins, presiding over a country that will host the 2014 World Cup. (via The New York Times)

• Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich realizes that being a billionaire isn’t enough to get visas for regular Africans. (via The Telegraph)

• North Korean state television recently showed its first Western film on government television, Bend it Like Beckham. Look for Beckham to play professionally in Pyongyang when he turns 40. (via The New York Daily News)

• Despite long term success, women’s football in Nigeria still gets no love. (via Next)

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If there was a flood and I was told to build an ark and gather a male and female of every species, I would decline.  All we would need is Emmanuel Eboué.

Let’s face it. The only reason Arsenal can show such joy on the ball (when they’re winning) is because they are inspired by a greater power. And that greater power is obviously Eboué, a man more powerful than four Vladimir Putins, half a Robert Mugabe, and Mark Zukerberg’s insecurity combined.

Eboué’s joy is infectious. His teammates have anointed Eboué the team’s best dancer and the funniest squad member. He might also be Arsenal’s best actor, but we won’t discuss that here.

The point is that Eboué makes his teammates and Arsenal fans smile (in spite of what some fans did to him two seasons ago). He’s the first to celebrate a teammate’s goal whether he’s on the field or sprinting from the bench to join the festivities. He’s the rare professional who still seems just happy to be here, even though he proved that he had the quality back in 2006 when he came out of nowhere to gently nudge Lauren out of the picture en route to the Champions League final (where I forget what happened). The man is happiness incarnate, something you can glean from this Puma commercial showing the essence that is Eboué, a commercial that might be the most awesome footage ever captured by camera.

A man so happy needs to be on Twitter and would be the perfect antidote to Reverend Run’s tweets (and Ryan Babel’s retweets of Reverend Run’s tweets). I would retweet the hell (pardon me, Eboué) out of Eboué’s tweets like they were Andrei Arshavin’s Q&A’s.

So I’ll make this pledge. We will tweet something Eboué-related every day until Emannuel Eboué joins Twitter. The tag will be #TwitterNeedsEboue or #WhyEboueMustTweet.

Feel free to join the movement. Feel free to tweet or retweet. But most importantly, enjoy Emmanuel Eboué, a man who puts Emmanuel Adebayor in perspective. And so I don’t end this with a reference to Adebayor, enjoy the most fantastic dance ever, made even more spectacular by Arshavin’s hesitant approach, an approach that confirms that behind every great dancer is an awkward teammate. Just ask Bolo Zenden.

If you enjoyed that dance, just imagine how much you’ll enjoy Eboué on Twitter.

(The Eboué shirt image at the top can be found here at the LA Gooners store.)

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So, it appears that Eriksson was surprised by Theo Walcott’s unfulfilled potential.  This from the man who took a 17-year old Walcott to the World Cup in 2006.  As if taking him were not ridiculous enough, the Swede didn’t even play him.  I guess he thought an all expense paid trip to the World Cup with the English national team at 17-years of age would lower expectations.  Recently, when asked about Walcott, the Swede said the following:

“Maybe the expectation on him was too big, I don’t know.  The only person that can speak about that is Wenger.”

Really?  Wenger is the only one that can speak about that?  Perhaps it was Arsene Wenger that got the ball rolling with his decision to take Walcott to the World Cup?  You got to love it when grown men pass the buck.  Way to take responsibility Sven.  Word of caution to the unsuspecting people of the Ivory Coast, hide your young (footballers that is), before he takes them to the World Cup and sets their development back several years.

Eriksson then followed up his comments about Walcott a few days ago with his admission that he would like to manage Liverpool.  Eriksson can barely sit still, yet alone stay at a job long enough to be remembered.  Liverpool I’m sure is not looking for a fly by night manager, who will pick up and go at a moment’s whim for the next best paying managers position.  Sven can keep dreaming; he’s got as good a shot of getting the Liverpool job as I do.

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Not only can the Dear Leader hide nuclear missiles, he also knows football tactics.  Those are two pretty mean party tricks.  Most reading types are aware of the Great Leader’s nuclear ambitions, but not too many folks are probably aware that North Korean leader and super-tactician Kim Jong-Il was also the inspiration behind North Korea’s march to South Africa. That’s right. And to think we’ve spent the better part of the last five months praising Roy Hodgson whose full time job is to manage Fulham. The Great Leader has to juggle tactical preparation with oppressing his people, rationing electricity, nuclear arms negotiations, collecting fabulous sunglasses, and forcible relocations. Take that Roy Hodgson, you one-trick pony.

According to Kim Jong Su of the North Korean Football Association, “The Great Leader gave in-depth guidance on the development of Korean football.  He proposed the game’s tactics most relevant for the physiological characteristics of the Korean players.”  Now that’s a leader.

Of all the North Korea previews I’ve seen (and there aren’t many), none of them try to get inside the head of the team’s tactical nerve center, the man himself, Kim Jong-Il.  So here, only here, will you find some proper analysis that will enable you to properly place your bets on who gets out of the Group G, which many acknowledge is the 2010 World Cup’s Group of Death.

Tactics: Watch for the Unpredictable

The Great Leader is a big fan of the clandestine.  Whether with uranium enrichment or general team information, Kim takes great measures to carefully conceal his hand.  At the World Cup, the element of surprise weighs in favor of the North Koreans.

Kim has repeatedly duped foreign leaders, for instance, repeatedly entering into negotiations and then backing out when convenient.  For the Great Leader, walking up to the line and quickly backpedaling is merely a form of exercise.  If Kim passes on his erratic and unpredictable behavior to his team, watch out for 7-3 formations to start, shifting into 1-2-7 formations if the Koreans need goals.  Completely disregard anything you’ve seen in qualification and friendlies, because what you see is not always what you get when the Great Leader is involved.

Style: In One Word – Hungry

The term “hungry” is often used to describe players who have an insatiable appetite to win.  But with the North Koreans, the team might literally be hungry.  And if they fail to impress, they could go hungry for some time.  Kim Jong-Il is known for rewarding athletes who do well, while mercilessly punishing those who fail to meet his standards.  So expect his side to get after it.  The fashionable sides facing this hardened group of North Koreans may be in for a surprise when they learn what it really means to be hungry for success.  And for the North Korean players, success will surely bring that reward that North Koreans desperately want and need, a massive, synchronized parade, full of all the color that has been removed from their daily lives.  If that’s not incentive, I don’t know what is.

Adversaries: Escaping Death

Alongside the North Koreans in the “Group of Death” are  Brazil, Portugal, and Sven-Göran Eriksson’s Côte d’Ivoire.  Yes, the same Sven who was being lined up to potentially manage North Korea in South Africa.  It makes you wonder whether Côte d’Ivoire’s placement in Group G is part of some nefarious plan concocted by the mind of the Great Leader.  Too many variables you say?  Well, Sven is capable of anything if the price is right.  We all know that FIFA and bribery are good friends.  And you can never underestimate the mind of a dictator when pride is at stake on the global stage.  I’m just saying, don’t underestimate the mind of the man behind the sunglasses.

But back to the Group of Death.  When you think of all the necessary characteristics that would enable one to overcome death, there’s an argument for each of Group G’s teams to escape group play.  The Brazilians escape the death, kidnappings and Manchester City regularly.  That’s a lot of evil to deal with.  But I fear that Brazil may have become complacent with all of their success in spite of these obstacles.  Portugal has a bunch of primadonnas who would rather look good than win.  Faced with death, they’ll fold under the pressure and choose stylish losing.  And Sven, well, he always escapes death, often getting paid handsomely in the process.  But given that he cares more about his paycheck than he does about success, expect him to run well before it becomes a fight to the death.  That leaves North Korea, a team of internationals that don’t even have refrigerators. As North Korean player Choe Myong Ho eloquently stated, “What’s a refrigerator for? It allows you to get cold drinks in the summer.  And if you do that, you could catch a cold and not be able to train.”  Yeah, in a Group of Death, I’m taking that guy.

***

And there you have it, my dark horse to make it out of the Group of Death, North Korea, heading into the knockout rounds with Brazil, the conventional pick.  I’d have put my money on the completely unconventional duo of North Korea and Côte d’Ivoire if Sven wasn’t involved.  But alas, he is.

Now that my selection is made for Group G, I need to find a proper North Korean supporters club, which is difficult since no North Koreans will be permitted to travel to South Africa for the World Cup.  Fortunately, a stand-up crew of Chinese fans calling themselves the “fans volunteer army” have stepped in to support the North Koreans and have been given tickets from the North Korean government.  How’s that for community service?  It would be a sad day in South Africa to watch North Korea play without supporters, especially considering  that the nation has a very strong flag, perfect for waiving and apparel.  I hope the volunteer army accepts me.  But just in case, I’m bringing platform shoes to show them that I’m down with the Leader.

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This past Friday on Real Time with Bill Maher, Maher had on Alan Brinkley, author of The Publisher, a book chronicling the life of Time Inc.’s founder, Henry Luce.  Part of Maher’s conversation with Brinkley focused on how the current issue of Time’s 100 Most Influential People is a testament to the decaying state of the magazine business.

Maher rattled off some names from the list, suggesting that Time might have a few problems with their definition of influential, questioning the inclusion of some soccer player (Drogba) he’s never heard of, while elevating others such as Tea Party sympathizer Sarah Palin to the level of influential.  For someone who prides himself on being so well-informed and progressive, I do take umbrage, not so much with Maher’s ignorance about who Drogba is, but more so with the uninformed and uncritical elevation of Sarah Palin’s influence in comparison to the influence of someone like Drogba.  Here’s Maher’s take:

As a kid, my father took [Time Magazine] to work every day; He used to read it on the subway. It was in our home. This to me, [this issue of Time] is embarrassing.  I mean Lady Gaga, you know, because people are going to start wearing bullets on their tits? I mean some of these people, Sandra Bullock is one of the most influential because no one’s going to marry a biker with tattoos?  Some soccer player I never heard of … Prince, Elton John, Taylor Swift.  This is Barbara Walters’ list of ten most interesting people. To think that this is synonymous with influential …

And I don’t argue with everybody.  Sarah Palin, I don’t like her, but yes, she’s influential. She said death panel and that influenced the health care debate.  Glenn Beck is influential.

According to Maher, Sarah Palin is influential because she has an audience, regardless of whether what comes out of her mouth is well informed or not.  By the same logic, Drogba is also at least equally influential given the size of his global captive audience.  Drogba might not be influencing health care debates, but I wouldn’t doubt that he could as a figurehead of a movement based on his stature alone in certain regions.  Palin’s ‘death panel’ talk sadly made its way into our national debate, but I don’t see Palin stopping any civil unrest anytime soon the way Drogba and his teammates did, at least temporarily, in Cotê d’Ivoire.  She may be closer to causing unrest.

This debate comes down to how you define influential.  Influence can be more than developing or commenting on policy. It can also be about who has an audience and what one responsibly does with that audience.  There are a handful of soccer players capable of reaching far beyond the bounds of Tea Party rallies and partisan talk shows.  So Bill, a few words of advice — New Rule: Don’t underestimate the power of soccer, especially if Sarah Palin is your example of influential.

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Sadly this joke will last for months.  But there are positives.  Ivorians know that there is an end in sight. Someone will offer Sven a job regardless of how the Ivory Coast performs in South Africa.  But when it comes to Sven, one country’s good news is another country’s bad news.  Look out remaining developing nations, Sven’s coming your way next.

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I wish that more people, particularly non-sports figures, made genuine gestures to people they influence when things go wrong.  Politicians, for instance, can learn from Drogba.  Yes, I just wrote that sentence.  Politicians would have a bit more leeway to work if they actually just took responsibility for their actions when they let people down.

What do you make of Drogba’s gesture?

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